Full Circle Adoptions Newsletter

GROWING WITH ADOPTION

Mother to Mother
by Sharon

The call we had been dreaming about came on a Thursday morning while I was at work. It was a call from Full Circle telling me that the birthmother, who had chosen us and with whom we had had a lovely one-time meeting, was in labor and wanted me there with her. I knew from our conversations that this would be a fast labor. I also knew that she would be alone for the delivery. I needed to get from Boston to upstate New York and fast. I muttered a few words to someone, ran from the office and off I went to what was the most uncertain moment of my life…

We had decided ahead of time that I would drive out by myself and my husband
would meet me after packing some clothes and making arrangements for our older kids. The drive seemed endless. My thoughts ranged from the absurd: What will my husband pack for me to wear? (Sandals in May, was later discovered). If I get pulled over for speeding can I tell them I am having a baby? Will the baby be cute? The much more unnerving questions: Will the baby be healthy? Will I love him as much as my other children? Will I be any help to a woman, in
labor, whom I do not know that well? The ultimate question: “Will she really be able go through with her decision?” That question put a knot in my stomach that would last for the next 6 days.

I arrived at the hospital in record time with little knowledge about what to do, other than some advance warning that the hospital didn’t recognize adoptive parents and that I needed to be a friend. Armed with that knowledge, I flew into the hospital to find my birthmother. I missed the birth of my son by about an hour, but was able to find the birthmother right away. She was shaky but made it through the delivery and seemed to be relieved to see me there. We both waited in her room for them to bring the baby in to us. She was very anxious for me to see him. After what seemed like an eternity, the most beautiful baby boy was wheeled into the room. From this point on, I knew the answer to at least two of my questions, “Will the baby be cute?” He was beautiful. “Could I love him as much as my other children?” The answer to this one was from the heart and without hesitation…I not only could love this baby, I already did…

I couldn’t take my eyes off him and I definitely did not want to put him down. I spent until late in the night at the hospital holding a baby whom I hoped would be my son and talking with the woman whose son he was. I am grateful for the time we had alone together and it is a night I will forever remember. Two mothers, both so in love with this child…

As I mentioned earlier, I had thought about everything from the absurd to the terribly scary, but somehow never really focused on the reality of a mother leaving the hospital without her son as he would now be my son. I had in no way prepared myself for this reality. I had only focused on all the joy that comes with having a new baby. I remember both of us standing in the hospital parking lot, hugging each other and crying enough tears to certainly address any water shortage in that state. I remember her asking me to take good care of him, love him, and kiss him each night for her. I remember promising her to love him with everything I am and to raise him as a son she would be proud of. But most of all, I remember her thanking me for taking him. Thanking me…imagine that. It just seemed so backwards to me, but then really, how do you thank someone for entrusting you with such a beautiful and precious baby. A “thank you” just doesn’t seem to do that one justice.

The process of adoption brings with it a certain emotional roller coaster. There is nothing natural about a mother having to place her child up for adoption, yet there was nothing more natural to me than loving this baby. Adopting Jason meant to me that I would love him with my whole heart and provide him with every opportunity to be the best person he can be. It was more than that though, that was a given. It also meant that I would fulfill all the promises that I made in the parking lot that day to the mother who had entrusted him to me.

So when I went to New York, I went to pick up my new son. When I left New York, I left with my new son and an experience that will stay with me for a lifetime. I came back truly witnessing the ultimate sacrifice for someone you love so much. It goes to show that in a world that sometimes seems a little up side down and self motivating, you really can find heroes in everyday people…

A very special thank you to Full Circle for helping us to fulfill our dreams, Stephen (my husband) for knowing I am crazy but loving me anyway, John & Jordan for being patient while Mom & Dad were away and welcoming their new brother, and to our family & friends for their unyielding love and support through the emotional ups and downs.

For all those families that have been through the experience, congratulations to you and your families. For all those families starting the process, best of luck, may all your dreams come true. It is an experience you will carry with you forever.

All support groups and informational sessions are held at A Full Circle Adoptions, 39 Main Street, Northampton (see bottom of this page for a map) unless otherwise noted. Please feel free to call us at (413)587-0007 with any questions.

"Lean on me": Big sister Jordan naps with little brother Jason

We rejoice with all our families

The average time between homestudy completion and match for the above adoptions was 7 months with the median time of 4 months; the average time between match and placement was 2 months with a median time

by Marguerite

Who me? A MOM? Yes and I'm loving it. The adoption experience wasn't nearly as painful as I thought. The social worker who conducted our home study was a great source of information. I think my husband and I learned more from her than she learned about us. The exchange of information about different child rearing techniques and philosophies and books is information I use today, over 2 years later. After our home study was complete we waited and we waited. Sometimes it seemed like forever but in reality it was our time to do things, like a cruise to Alaska and weekends at Bed and Breakfasts that didn't welcome children. It was our "gestation period".

Every day I thank God that we made the decision to adopt. Our daughter, Elizabeth, was born last March. Marla called us on a Saturday morning as we were doing our taxes and told us she thought we should start making plans right away because the BM could be in labor. We left the tax return sitting
on the table and rushed to the airport after a quick packing. We got to the hospital 5 1/2 hours after our daughter was born. She was perfect in every way. I got to change her first poopy diaper and feed her a bottle at 11:30 at night. The hospital staff couldn't have been more wonderful to us. I
worried as I left the hospital that first night that we wouldn't recognize her in the nursery the next day. After all, there were 4 babies; how could I pick her out? As usual, I worried for nothing. As soon as we went into the nursery on Sunday, we spotted her sleeping angelically. The hospital staff gave
us a room to bond with our daughter and we used it except for when we went back to our hotel for sleeping. When we finally got to take Elizabeth back to our hotel, we were so excited. Too bad she screamed all night Looking back it was really funny. We kept going into the bathroom with her so that her voice wouldn't carry and wake up the people on either side of us. After a year of being a Mom, I realize that anyone who has kids can sleep through the yells if they aren't coming from their own.

We waited in Mississippi for the procedures and paperwork to be completed. I look back on that time fondly, now. My husband and I had absolute and total one-on-one time with our daughter. No one was there to tell us everything that we were doing "wrong". To keep our sanity, Full Circle hooked us up with a social worker where Elizabeth was born. To this day, she is a friend - a good friend. She introduced us to a church community who welcomed all three of us with open arms and prayed that we'd be able to go home together. She also talked with us daily and gave us tips on where to go to get out of the hotel with a newborn baby.

When our daughter came home she was the queen. The first baby in my family in 9 years and the first grandchild in my husband's family. Everyone who was involved in the adoption, from the people who gave us letters of reference to Full Circle Adoptions were invited to her Christening. I didn't think that
things got better than that but they did. On November19th, our adoption was finalized. We were able to have breakfast in Northampton with Marla, Dom's father and one of my siblings with her family.
Later that night, we had a large celebration at home with everyone in attendance.

Right after Christmas we decided that we didn't want Elizabeth to be an only child. She plays so wonderfully and is so engaging with all the children that she comes into contact with that we called Marla and asked her to start the ball rolling again. Me? A Mom? You better believe it!

The agency currently provides housing for birthparents in need by networking with two local hotels for housing as needed. But we'd like to increase our options. The agency is hoping to find an "angel", a hotel/motel which might have a unit we could rent regularly or a family who might rent out an in-law apartment to the agency on a regular basis or some other similar housing option so that we might provide increased housing options for birthmothers who wish to relocate to Western Massachusetts during their pregnancies. As Western Mass. is a college community (and the institutions regularly over-enroll students and then provide motel/hotel resources for the students), it is often difficult to find any furnished or unfurnished apartments which have a kitchen. Without a kitchen, a birthmother is left to eat in restaurants and this is prohibitively expensive, not to mention inconvenient, particularly as her pregnancy
develops. Many women who need our help do not have sufficient income or a positive enough credit history to have an apartment application accepted (even if the agency submits a letter indicating that it will cover the woman's rent during her pregnancy and for up to 6-8 weeks following the birth of the child, per the regulations). Some housing is available only during the week and not on weekends
(due to frequent "major" events at the University). The women we work with are polite, appropriate, gracious tenants who are looking to "get on their own feet" following the pregnancy/birth. Please pass the word along that this is a significant need of the agency. We will be grateful for any ideas and
additional housing options!

Welcome to Beth Crawford Esq. who has joined our Board. Beth is both an attorney and an artist who works with sand-blasted glass. Her glass bowl, sand-blasted with "Adoption is Love" holds the pens our local judge uses to sign the adoption decrees (the Court then gives the pen to the family to remember the moment by). She has a private practice devoted to child welfare; she represents
children in local juvenile court matters. Welcome back!

Welcome also to Meg Kelsey Wright. Meg and her husband Jonathan are the parents of three children, eighteen year old Anna (Korean-born, adopted at the age of four months), 12 year old Nicholas (Korean-born, adopted at the age of five months), and nine year old Amy who was born to them. Welcome Meg!

Meg is a pianist, performer, teacher, and coach who teaches privately and through the Northampton Community Music Center and Williston School. She is happy to be a Board member for Full Circle Adoptions and feels that "full circle" is reflected in her own life on a daily basis.

Thanks to Peggy Maisel Esq. who will be moving, at the end of the summer, to Florida to teach at Florida International University's Law School. She has served as the agency's treasurer while on the Board. Thank you for your help to the agency and blessings to you and your family in your new adventure in Florida (we'll be visiting next winter!).

To Karen and Todd Hussey, Val and Brian Rice, Susan Dacey and Bruce Daniels
for your wonderful planning of the May 30, 2003, Hat's Off To Full Circle"
benefit for the Adoption Assistance Fund. You are great. On behalf of the
children and families, we salute you!

A special thanks to Erica DeBlase, Full Circle’s Administrative Assistant for
efforts, above and beyond the call of duty, in planning this event and in all
your other work.

A special salute, also to Meredith Davies, Full Circle’s Case Manager, whose
heartfelt diligence and insight is so important to the smooth and precise flow
of our domestic adoption cases. Meredith you’re great. The families and
children (and we) are grateful to you.

Kudos to Steven Aylward, Full Circle’s Caseworker, for his caring and
thorough assistance to clients on a daily basis. Chaia Wolf LICSW and Kerry Ferris
LICSW, your responsiveness to birthparents is so appreciated! Families have
grown with your help!

Thank you to families and individuals who have contributed to this fund.  We are hoping to create a fund which will have sufficient resources to provide revolving loans and outright grants for adoption expenses for families of modest means.  Thank you for considering this.  Please remember that any contributions are deductible as charitable contributions!

If you would like to contribute to The Adoption Assistance Fund call the Full Circle office at (413)587-0007.

TAX DEDUCTIBLE CONTRIBUTIONS   Full Circle Adoptions is a nonprofit, tax exempt social service agency.   We are grateful for contributions to the Adoption Assistance Fund and to the Agency.  Our Adoption Assistance Fund is unique.  This is one of our efforts to respond to the costly nature of adoption.  The fund makes available, by way of revolving loan or outright grant, funds to assist adoptive parents of modest means and/or birthparents with expenses related to the pregnancy/adoption process.  Thank you for your generosity.  Please forward contributions to Full Circle Adoptions, 39 Main Street, Northampton, MA  01060.  Also, let us know whether or not you'd like to be acknowledged in our next newsletter or remain anonymous.

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Directions to Full Circle Adoption

90 East to Exit 4 91 North towards Holyoke/Northampton Exit 18 off I-91 At end of ramp turn left (About a mile ahead is Northampton’s main intersection.)

 

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