Full Circle Adoptions

Note: The hard copy newsletter may contain photographs which we did not include on the Web version.
We are happy to send you a copy of the newsletter at your request.

Congratulations to Rita, Craig and big brother Braden who welcomed Jacob Paul into their family.

Also, congratulations to Dana & Jim whose daughter Stephanie Elise joined them a month earlier than expected. Special thanks to Dana’s mom who came out to Oregon to be with her and also to colleagues Kathy Dexter Esq and Susan Moffett Esq who did a wonderful job helping the families. (There were 7 months between their profile being ready and placement!)

Congratulations to Mary and JoAnn who welcomed Aaron into their lives, also a month early, on July 19. Birthmother Jessica will always remember the experience of driving herself to the hospital. Thank you to Cooley Dickinson Hospital for your attentive care to all families and for the nifty "Beeper" service. We’re all glad we got those beepers early!! Mary & JoAnn were chosen before their profile was completed. Please see Jessica’s moving thoughts on next page.

Where families’ waiting times are not mentioned, it is because the families joined FCA for a specific designation and had no waiting period with this agency.

Kettie, a very special "Birthparent Buddy" has kindly shared a moving poem with us:

oft skin, beating heart, a perfect body a beautiful miracle all in my arms at once. I lay my eyes on the most precious gift that I could ever receive. His chest expands with every sweet breath, his tiny fingers wrap around mine and I lose myself in his beauty. A part of me now separated by a miracle yet I can still see, still touch, still hear. His newness grabs my curiosity as I stare down at him in wonder and incomprehensible love. My lips voice to him the songs of my heart. i cradle his warmth and we rock... back and forth, back and forth. His hair shines and glistens in the light; I kiss it. My stomach sinks and my heart flutters quickly as my lips touch his head. His eyes open... the blueness is something I’ve never seen before. He blinks, his long, blonde eyelashes delicately bounce off of his skin. Oh, my sweet precious angel is so full of life, beauty, rhythm and innocence. I embrace his tiny, miraculous body and whisper my love to him. he tears roll off my face and onto his. My sobs wake him from his slumber. He looks up at me in wonder and amazement. "I need to let you go now, my sweet. I love you, I’ll miss you, you are beautiful." One more kiss. With reluctance and faith, I carefully place him into the arms of his new mom. One more kiss. I turn to walk away, the tears keep coming. I need to look at him one more time; I know I will remember and cherish this moment for the rest of my life. e looks so content and safe in her arms. His eyes are shut tightly, his hand is wrapped around her finger, his breaths are like a perfect, rhythmic song; music to my ears. Oh, just one more kiss. "Goodbye my sweet." As my lips gently land on his soft, sweet smelling head, I know he is okay, I know this is right. He will live a wonderful life. One more kiss, one more glance. "Goodbye my sweet baby Justin, Goodbye."

Thank you Jessica for joining the Birthparent Buddy Network. This is a reminder to all new birthparents in our program that the Birthparent Buddies are available for in-person support before, during and after your adoption or parenting plan.

Jessica has tender thoughts and feelings to share:

Please RSVP one week before scheduled date!

The Birthparent Support Group meets in the evenings so that working birthparents can more easily attend. The next date is:

Wed. Sept. 24 at 7 pm

Please Note: Folks who've attended the Support Group have included individuals who placed their children recently as well as many years ago; folks who've placed through Full Circle and through other agencies. We welcome everyone including folks who decided to parent! Thanks for your courage in considering this group! We hope you'll keep coming!

We have Eastern and Western Mass. meetings to accommodate our families in this area and the growing number of families in the greater Boston area, including southern New Hampshire and Rhode Island. Please RSVP to FCA one week before!

The Western Mass Adoptive Parent Support Group will meet: Wed. Sept. 10 at 6 pm.

The Eastern Mass. ("Ocean side") Adoptive Parent Support Group will meet in Ellen Glazer’s home office Tues. Sept. 29 at 7 pm.

DIRECTIONS TO ELLEN’S:
From the Mass Pike take exit 17. From the west you exit to your right and make your first turn (right) onto Centre St--from the east you must circle around the Sheraton Hotel before getting onto Centre St..Once on Centre turn left at first traffic light. This is Church St and there is a big church on the corner. Go to the very end of Church St and turn right onto Waverley ave. At the next light there will be two left hand turns. Take the first of these (before traffic island) onto Farlow Rd. My office is in my home--#55 Farlow. Park in front and walk down the driveway and turn left. Office entrance is a sliding glass door--there is a small sign that says office. The telephone # is 617-332-3468.

We are fortunate to enjoy the expertise of several clinical social workers with expertise in adoption. These colleagues offer to counsel and assist birthparents during their decision-making process and prospective adoptive parents with homestudies and support during the adoptive process. This column will serve to introduce you to them.

Ellen Glazer LICSW is a clinical licensed social worker who has been a specialist in reproductive concerns for over 15 years. She is the author and co-author of books and articles on infertility including Beyond Infertility, which she co-authored with Dr. Susan Cooper. Ellen will be leading our Oceanside Adoptive Parent Support Group.

On Waiting and Wondering - Ellen Glazer

Several years ago I lost my appointment book.   This was very upsetting as I am a social worker and my weeks are filled with appointments. Suddenly without a written schedule, I was at a loss. Where was I supposed to be? What was I supposed to be doing? How would I figure it all out? As I struggled with each of these questions I wondered if this experience was prophetic--is this what it would be like when the call finally came.

Yes and no. Like the loss of my appointment book, the call that my daughter was coming, came without warning and threw time into chaos.Within twenty four hours everything changed. The house, the car, the sleep and most of all, time. Time, which had been so long suspended, was now accelerated.

I reflect back upon my daughter's arrival for two reasons. One is that it is nice to savor the memories, now sixteen years later. The second is that there is a message I would like to communicate to other "expectant but doubtful" parents: it WILL happen. It will happen and when it does, it is like stepping on to a moving train.

If you are waiting to adopt, try to believe that these are the last of your "childfree" days. Yes--childFREE and not childLESS. In a matter of months, or weeks or even days, a little person will burst into your lives and change everything. A long course of infertility and the adoption process has probably robbed you of any sense of childfreedom. Instead,you feel the burden of childlessness. Try, if you can, to capture some of that sense of freedom that you knew way back when.

Why is it important to enjoy the last of your "childfree" days? The answer is that it helps you move on from your infertility and to embrace parenthood, not as the walking wounded, but as someone feeling strong, excited, ready. Most likely you have endured--and survived--a stressful and exhausting experience. A few spontaneous, pleasurable, childfree experiences should provide you with a nice reference point once you take on the challenges of parenthood. Better to remember them, than to recall only the long, draining waiting that characterized your infertility and perhaps, your adoption experiences.

A MESSAGE FROM MARLA
Birthparents and Adoptive Parents Can Feel "Politically Incorrect Feelings"

Sometimes, during the process of considering or following through with an adoption plan, birth and adoptive parents may have feelings which feel "politically incorrect." In addition to sadness and grief, birthparents sometimes feel relief following a placement, after months of waiting and wondering how the adoption plan would work, birthparents may feel relief that the "secret" is out and may feel pleasure over being able to redirect their focus to school or spending time with friends and family. These feelings may feel less "ok" to acknowledge, as loved ones around you may anticipate only grief.

In addition to unparalleled joy over "finally being parents", adoptive parents may also feel some renewed grief over infertility. Holding the child reminds one that adoption rather than direct pregnancy and birth is the way the family will grow.

All these feelings may swim together and wash upon your shores at the least expected times. Be graceful with yourselves and grant yourselves lots of space to feel all the wide range of feelings that may occur to you. Perhaps birthparents may feel some envy of the adoptive parents. While you're delighted they love your child, you wish your life was in a different place. Maybe adoptive parents feel frustration over the "costs" of adoption or grow weary of sending photos and letters. It is sometimes hard for adoptive parents to acknowledge that at times they feel "bored" with a baby or need to have "adult time" just as parents who birthed their child sometimes feel.

It's o.k. to feel all these feelings! Observe them, talk about them with your adoption worker, spouse, partner and friends. It's o.k. In times of great stress, there may be a myriad of feelings that you have and fear, that "if known", would cause others to judge you negatively.

These moments have shifted your universe and it will take a while to regain your bearings. You are all (birth and adoptive parents) courageous individuals who have shown tremendous strength, selflessness, and love in planning for your children. It may be soothing to give yourselves some gifts of particular kindness each day!

THANK YOU!!!!

Thank you to Lauralee Pilon of Springfield who will be making space in her large home available for birthparents or adoptive parents needing short term housing. Lauralee works at the Unitarian Society of Northampton Her home is only blocks away from Baystate Medical Center which is very convenient for birthparents/adoptive parents who may be centered at Baystate’s Birthing Center.

AN EVENING ABOUT ADOPTION
Wednesday, Sept. 17, 7-9

This informational session is open to anyone wishing to learn more about domestic infant adoption. Please send your friends! These sessions occur every other month and take place at our offices in Northampton. We offer free individual orientations on a regular daily basis. Please call to make an appointment.

Please RSVP!